Sociologist and gerontologist Karl Pillemer has launched an online training program– one of the first in the U.S. – on family estrangement and reconciliation. Pillemer is the founder of the Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project which conducted the first national survey on estrangement. The project also conducted in-depth interviews with hundreds of estranged individuals and interviews with therapists.

“We know estrangement affects a lot of people and causes enormous amounts of psychological distress,” Pillemer said. “Yet many professionals feel entirely unequipped to deal with it. Our program is for any professionals who are likely to encounter estrangement, even though it’s not the focus of their jobs.”

For example, a hospital case manager needs to understand how an estrangement may affect a patient who is being discharged, and who is available to help them at home. Similarly, a college counselor may need to help a student establish a different support system if they are estranged from their parents. Other professionals such as estate and trust attorneys, financial managers, therapists and mediators may encounter family estrangement in the course of their work.

“The idea is to provide these professionals with an easy-to-use training course that will help them understand and navigate estrangements experienced by their clients,” Pillemer said. Pillemer has also published a book on his research about reconciliation titled “Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.” Of the more than 1,300 people he

surveyed, 10% reported being estranged from a parent or child, 8% from a sibling and 9% from extended family members including cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, nieces and nephews.

It’s important to understand that estrangements are often a form of chronic stress resulting from broken attachment bonds, the pain of social rejection and constant uncertainty about the status of the relationship, Pillemer said. They can cut off family members from financial and social resources that might otherwise prove valuable.

“I learned that people who are estranged from a family member feel deep sadness, long for reconnection and wish that they could turn back the clock and act differently to prevent the rift,” he said.

An important component of Pillemer’s work was identifying the ways that families were able to reconcile after an estrangement. For this part of the research, his team conducted in-depth interviews with more than 100 people who mended family rifts.

In creating the course, Pillemer consulted with a range of professionals, including family therapists, college counselors, attorneys, financial advisors, social workers and physicians. The goal was to create a short, easy-to-use training program that answers questions many professionals have about estrangement and reconciliation. More information and registration for the training is on the Cornell Family Estrangement & Reconciliation Project website.